convoluted confession
by minip2011
Summary: Nessie and Jacobs rapidly progressing relationship has got Nessie's head reeling. She knows that the only way to put her mind at rest is to confront Jacob. But could that go terribly wrong?
1. Chapter 1 Only A Wish

"So I just turn that to the left?" Nessie asked uncertainly. Though the task had been watered down to slow, step-by-step instructions, the pressure to succeed in not killing herself or the bored teacher sitting next to her prevented Nessie from following through with the command. She wasn't very good with cars, or anything that ran on a motor for that matter. Jacob had still insisted that she help with her own truck. The two had been out in Jake's shed for over three hours. When they had first begun, the sun was slightly covered so that its light sprinkled over the rich green leaves that guarded the worn down working space. As time passed, the clouds continued on their path allowing the sun to breach the trees shade and heat the air that usually kept a comfortable, cool breeze. She was starting to feel sticky from the enclosed space.

"Should do it" Jake replied into the palm of his hand. The question that had plagued Nessie for the past twenty minutes was taking a toll on Jacob's seemingly unyielding moral. He was so confident and sure of himself. The stifling humidity didn't bother him. Even at 108 degrees, he didn't break a sweat. Scrunching her eyebrows together in concentration, Nessie attempted to do as Jacob had instructed. Her hand that held the screwdriver shook as it neared the defective area. She pulled the trigger and a ferocious noise erupted, extinguishing any confidence that she had developed, and she pulled away. Out of the corner of her eye, she couldn't mistake the crestfallen expression that crossed Jacobs face.

"I'm sorry, I don't know if this is the right thing to do. What if it goes flying and explodes? Why don't _you_ do it so we can save ourselves the hospital bill." Jake raised his eyebrows in a way that said: "are you kidding?" reached over and placed his hand on top of hers, and guided the machine toward the screw. Nessie winced when it made contact and would have let go if Jacob had not had her hand locked in a firm, vice-like grip. She shut her eyes tight until the horrible noise stopped and opened one when he let go of her hand. She clenched and unclenched her fist, and waited for the next instruction that she would, most likely, not be able to fulfill. Jacob said nothing while he rested his hand on her thigh to balance himself, and reached for the key, still in the ignition, and turned it. The radio, which had been broken for a week now, began blasting a foreign melody.

Grinning, he mocked, "Well, I'm certainly glad you didn't kill us."

Although she knew the embarrassment would show clearly on her cheeks, she playfully scolded, "There's no need for sarcasm."

"Sure, sure" Jake laughed and scooted out of the cramped space of the truck. "Next time, I will watch you fix this thing in fifteen minutes. You'll be a pro." Jake stated with forced confidence. Nessie shared the feeling. The old thing had first belonged to Jacob's dad, then her mom, and now her. Needless to say, the machine had been through enough to be deemed a _senior citizen_. Though she loved "the beast," she didn't have enough faith in it to pass it on to another generation. If they had to _fix_ one more thing, it would, unfortunately, be to the back of a tow truck.

"I think everything is in top shape. The oil looks good and the engine stopped making _that_ noise. It may actually be fit to take out in public." Jake stated casually as she slid out after him. He couldn't help but laugh at her. "How do you manage to get so dirty? You fixed a radio not a transmission!" She peered down at herself to assess the damage. Her calves were covered in dry mud and her shirt looked like she had played a rough game of softball. Gasping, she checked the side mirror and found her hair in a rat's nest filled with foreign junk that could only be produced in a shed. Jake gingerly plucked out pieces from her hair.

Feeling flustered she snapped, "Well it must be from digging through that box the size of a dumpster to find a Philips-head" Jake only laughed while making sloppy attempts at dusting off her shirt. Indignant, she exclaimed, "It was in your back pocket!"

He failed to suppress his amusement as he reached over with a towel and attempted to remove the mud from her legs. After a few minutes of unsuccessful cleaning, Jake flung the fabric over his shoulder. Stepping toward the open door he scooped her back into the vehicle, "we'll clean you off at the beach."

"Great, after I find a hair brush...and wash my face." Jake doubled over laughing. He grabbed her hand and dragged her towards the house. Fifteen minutes later, though, if it had been up to Nessie the time frame would have stretched out a bit longer, the copper-headed girl had cleaned off her legs, brushed through her knots, and had pulled her hair up into a presentable ponytail. Jake lent her a shirt that covered her shorts and a good portion of her lower body. They climbed into the truck and headed for the beach.

The sun had been shining for the past week, which was highly unusual for the La Push reservation. Unlike the rest of the areas occupants, Nessie and Jake were taking advantage of the extraordinary condition while it lasted. Whether it was swimming, biking, or participating in random mischievous acts, the activities always took place outside. This was the highest temperature they had encountered this summer. The beaten, red truck was parked on the "non-existent" shoulder. Jake killed the engine, hopped out and crossed around the front to open Nessie's door. While she unbuckled herself, Jake arranged himself into a gentleman-like gesture by holding his arm out for her to take. She smirked, reached for the towels on the dash board, and politely placed her hand around his forearm. She shut the door with her leg, and the two proceeded toward the rocky shore.

Nessie detached herself when they headed down the steep, sandy slope that led to the crashing waves. Nessie slowed her walk as she approached the soggy line that marked where the tide swept the sand. She tentatively stood close enough so that the water would brush her toes. The first wave made her jerk back from the icy chill, but she jumped right back to her original position in order to adjust. After several minutes, as she had predicted, the water now felt more inviting. Looking up, Nessie observed how the sun illuminated scenes that the usual dreary, overcast sky concealed. She watched a bird dive towards a target only it could see. The moment it touched the surface is was back in the air, a fish clasped in is beak. She turned to ask Jake if he had witnessed the astounding catch, only to be jerked off her feet and dragged into the water.

Her tactless gasp of surprise, under water, resulted in a vacuum effect in the lungs. After she reached the surface, she spurted water everywhere. When it had cleared, she took several deep breaths. Jacob still swam under water, probably trying to scare her. The temperature wasn't bone-chilling, but certainly not the type of conditions humans choose to "take a dip in." Suddenly, she was pulled under water, yet again, by a massive hand. She allowed it to pull her down until her attacker would need air. After a few moments she was released and rose to the surface. Looking down she could see Jake surfacing as well. When he was about to break through the water though, she pushed him back down with all of her might. Then, she pushed away as fast as she could, and began a very speedy backstroke. In seconds, of coarse, she was seized around the middle and shot with a mouth-full of water. Before she had time to react, Jake reloaded, and spewed the water like a super-soaker. She laughed before dunking her head underwater. That was one of the things she appreciated about Jacob, he wasn't afraid to be rough with her. He had confidence that she could hold her own. She wasn't the defensive kind of person, and therefore, he didn't tiptoe around her.

His arms encircled her, pulling her to his chest. "I didn't scare you, did I?" Nessie laughed and shook her head. Even though she wasn't scared, she _was_ winded. It was nice to just relax in his arms. His warmth engulfed her in the cold water. She wrapped her arms around his neck and let her legs just lie still. They were both silent as her eyes closed, and she concentrated on his heartbeat.

Jake's fingers drew tiny circles on her shoulder blades that made her smile against his neck. After a while he asked, "So, what do you want for your birthday? It's next week isn't it?" her smile broadened as she guessed that he had probably already purchased her birthday gift. She could think of several superficial things that could pass off as a gift she would desire, but what if she told him what she really wanted this year? She would be turning seventeen, but the age felt so insignificant when she was with the one person who would always _just_ be her best friend. It was strange to have someone so close, and yet so far. He could hold her flush against his bare chest, and not know the way her stomach tightened in knots. A moment like this allowed her to pretend that she was something more to him. Realizing that she still had to answer his question, she drew a blank to the long list of insignificant, inanimate objects she had prepared to tell him.

"Surprise me," she finally murmured into his collarbone. Jake's fingertips froze for a second, then continued their path along her skin. Reflexively, Nessie clasped her hands to her chest. She just noticed how relaxed her hands had been. She wasn't sure if her fingertips had been touching Jake. She would die of embarrassment if her thoughts had found a way to his. Nessie had the "ability," which sometimes seemed more like a curse, to transfer her thoughts to another person. All she had to do was touch their skin and their minds could share the deepest connection. Because of this, Nessie took pride in her ability to monitor where her hands were at all times. If she didn't pay attention, her thoughts were like lightning striking a telephone pole. The moment of contact would be like a current of thought flowing into the receivers mind. Just the thought made her shudder.

She felt Jake's cheek brush her ear, "are you cold?" he asked

"A little bit" Nessie lied. She wasn't cold at all, in fact, she felt like she was in a hot bath. She found herself lying to Jake a lot more often lately. Sometimes, they would just be talking, but Nessie would find herself staring at the way his lips formed vowels, how his voice would raise in pitch when he got excited, the way that his tongue would run along the back of his teeth when he was thinking. Even more embarrassing, she would be caught staring at his chest, how each muscle would flex with every move.

She knew she was caught when he would tilt his head a bit to the side, like he was trying to sympathies. He would raise his eyebrows, and ask in a voice that seemed appropriate for waking a small child, "Ness?"

"Ness?" Nessie jerked up, realizing that she was _actually_ being called. Jake was now holding her at arms length in front of him. "You're scaring me. Maybe you need to lie down." He leaned on his back and started to tread water while pulling her gently by the elbows.

"I'm fine Jake, really. I just zoned out." Nessie would get frustrated when he would "baby" her. Despite her reassurance, they still ended up on the sand, and in order to demonstrate her competence, Nessie rolled out the towels. She quickly made herself comfortable on the fluffy mat. Jake seated himself next to her, and looked out across the water, his back tense.

"What are you thinking about?" Nessie asked after a few minutes.

Still looking at the setting sun, he responded, "I have to meet with Sam tonight." This was a normal routine for the wolves. "I don't mind except that it can go either way. Either we can get along great or he can try and over-power me." He turned suddenly to face her as if he had to apologies, "I mean, Sam's great, it's just that... sometimes, our meetings are a bit redundant. He acts like he is still _my_ alpha and I still have to report to him. I respect him. Sometimes, I still think of him as my pack leader... like a father. But just like when a man grows up, a father must let his son go out on his own. I think Sam has a hard time letting me go. But I guess I know how he feels-with you, I mean. Like tonight, I'd rather stick with you. I don't like the idea of you going alone to that party."

Nessie slowly sat up. She didn't know how Jake knew about the party at Max's, but she had stopped investigating how Jake knew things a long time ago. "Jake you know that I would love for you to be my 'wing-man' tonight, but I wont be there very long, and I wont do anything stupid." She couldn't begin to tell him how badly she wanted him to be there. Whenever he went out with her friends, it was like he was her date. He never left her side on those occasions.

When Jake looked as though he was about to cut her off, she stopped him. "I will be fine by myself." He looked away. "Jake" when he still didn't look at her, she reached her hand out and guided his chin toward her. She rested her hand on his warm cheek and said reassuringly, "I will be fine. I can handle myself, and I will have my phone with me." When he trained his eyes on the ground, she whispered, "Don't worry about me." Jake's eyes met hers then, and he reached for her hand that was on his cheek, and held it there while he closed his eyes. Nessie concentrated on her ability to be a responsible young adult and not about the way his eyes made her heart skip a beat. Jake smiled and released her hand, but she could tell he was putting on a brave face.

They curled up on his towel and talked while the sun set. That's what was so great about Jake. They never ran out of things to talk about and yet, they were perfectly comfortable in silence. The clouds turned to rich streaks of magenta and lilac.

Nessie sat up and marveled at how the colors were mirrored in the calm water. She looked down at Jake. He was sprawled over the sand with his eyes closed and a small smile on his face. His chest was bare, and the light that reflected off the water danced upon his bronze skin. He had lent Nessie his shirt for the second time that day, and she inwardly smiled.

"Ness, you're doing it again." Even while lying down, he still did his irresistible _tilt of the head_. Nessie was too content to be ashamed. She placed herself in the crook of his arm and nuzzled his chest. She loved the way he smelled, she loved how he never pulled away. "How long do you think we've been out here?"

"I'm not sure, but we should probably head back. I still have to take a shower." They still didn't move. "Ugh! I don't want to get up!" Nessie complained. Suddenly, she was on her back and Jake had her pinned beneath him. He began relentlessly tickling her, ignoring her hysterical pleas for him to stop. He finally complied, brushing her hair back and kissing her forehead. Standing up, he offered his hand to her. They rolled up the towels and Jake slung his arm around her shoulder, guiding her up the hill toward the truck.

Jake shut off the ignition after pulling into Nessie's driveway. He turned toward her to say something but Nessie stopped him. "Jake, just tell me to have a good time and you'll see me later." Jake forced a smile.

After a pause, where Nessie guessed he was debating whether or not to disregard her command, he finally said, in a voice that was not as strong as it had been before, "have a good time." He then gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. "We still on for tomorrow?"

Before closing her door she replied, "Of course." Jake hopped out of the truck and tossed her the keys. From the porch, she peered over her shoulder one last time to watch Jake pull off his shoes and disappear into the forest.

She went straight to her room, fell on her bed, and closed her eyes for a few minutes. She could still feel his warm skin on hers. Nessie sometimes contemplated not taking a shower just so she wouldn't lose his scent. With a sigh, she hauled herself toward the bathroom.

* * *

Nessie approached Max's outrageously large house around nine o'clock. She never arrived at a party on time. It was important to let the crowd reach its estimated number because otherwise, the five people who arrived on time would be subjected to forced conversation. Nessie didn't know Max very well. Her classmates invited everyone to their houses. At her school, it wouldn't go unnoticed if she didn't attended, which is why she stood before a sign on the front door that instructed guest to "just walk in."

The music blared in her ears as she attempted to slither through the crowd of people. Some were dancing, others standing by the speaker staring at the people who were playing a game of '_how many people can we fit on the couch._' She could see kegs set up in the kitchen, and contemplated getting a drink. She could tell the moment she arrived that this party would not be fun. She smiled and stopped to talk with some of her classmates. Nessie indulged herself with a few "Bacardi Breezers." She played a game of "Bag-O" that was set up in the dining room. Periodically, she would look around for her friends. Though she didn't see them, she was sure they were here. All around her, everyone seemed to be having a good time, but she felt oddly out of place. When Jake was with her, everything became so much easier. It was a great feeling to walk into a room with a tall, built, gorgeous guy and know that everyone noticed him.

That was another great thing about Jake. He could mold into any setting. He was the comfortable guy with the best joke, and a smile that made any person think they were the most interesting person in the room. Nessie never felt like she had to get drunk to have a good time. She was drunk off the elation that everyone else loved her best friend. She never had awkward conversations with people she hardly knew-

"Hey Nessie!" Max stood at an odd angle beside her, and smiled like he had caught her checking him out.

"Hey Max!" she greeted her host with way to much enthusiasm, "This party is great! You really know how to put the school under one roof." She had no idea why she made that last comment but Max grinned anyway. She couldn't think of anything else to fill the awkward silence, so she resorted to looking at the people out on the make-shift dance floor.

"Thanks! I'm glad you came. I was hoping to see you!" This was odd to Nessie considering that she hardly knew him. Last semester they had been in the same English class, but they never talked. Now that it was summer, she had only seen him at other parties.

Nevertheless she responded, "That's great. I am having a really good time." Though it probably wasn't the response he was looking for, he didn't push the subject.

After a moment Max said, "Did you want to play some beer pong? I'm really terrible, you would get me wasted." He winked after he said this. A wink that meant: "You can get me drunk and have your way with my beautiful ass."

Nessie was about to refuse, politely of course, when someone laced their fingers between hers. "Nah she's terrible at anything that involves hand-eye coordination. Plus, she is about it entertain me with her guitar hero skills." Max looked surprised to see Jake, but introduced himself, and the two boys shook hands. Nessie waved and pulled Jake toward the room with the plasma screen TV.

"I didn't know there was guitar hero!" She smiled from ear to ear. She was so happy Jake had come to rescue her from severe boredom.

"There isn't, and if there was, I wouldn't be participating. I mean, I wouldn't want to embarrass myself in front of these _super cool seniors_." He said in mock humility. She playfully elbowed him.

"You are my hero"

"Well then come with me. I will show you my _super secret_ place that I found with my ex-ray vision." He led her toward the font door, but someone pulled on Nessie's arm.

"Ness you can't leave, you have to dance!" it was one of the girls that sat at Nessie's lunch table who was always called by a different nick-name, therefore, Nessie had never figured out her _real_ name.

Before she could protest, Jake cut in, "you're right! Ness, you can't leave with out dancing!" this was said in a voice that promised humiliation for Nessie.

"Jake, you know I can't dance!" she earnestly pleaded into his arm that led her towards the dance floor.

"Ness, I honestly don't. When is the last time you and I danced? I am genuinely curious to see your moves."

"But I don't know how! Ok, ok fine. We can dance, but this is my disclaimer: Jacob Black, I am warning you that my 'moves'," she put quotations beside her head with her fingers, "may cause sever damage to your body and my reputation. It's your call."

His smile had widened over the course of her statement, and as he pulled her closer to him he responded, "You worry too much. You're with me remember, I'll teach you."

With that she allowed him to pull her against him. The people that danced around them used the standard position, the back end of the girl to the front end of the guy. It was trashy and less intimate because the two dancers didn't have to look at each other. Plus, it was easier to dance this way. Actually, she had never danced any other way so she couldn't make a very educated decision on which was truly easier. The other position in question was the way Jacob was clearly about to pull her into.

Jake was a great teacher which was why Nessie could always trust him. He was patient and encouraging and could somehow make the student successful. He pulled her by the hips so she was flush against him. She grabbed his shoulders for support. Jake was tall but Nessie wasn't short. Tonight she was wearing heels as well. She took pride in her ability to do just about anything in heels. Her aunt Alice had raised her well. The circumstances had made their height difference not as noticeable. Jake started to sway to the beat. He didn't go fast like the other people around them. His hips found a slower beat that still went to the song. This intrigued Nessie because she found she could feel his rhythm as well.

"See," Jake said "it's all in the hips." She grinned.

Dancing "chest to chest" allowed him to control her movements so that they swayed in tandem. She rested her forehead on his chest and watched their bodies. She smiled as she watched her hips move. She actually felt like she could dance. Even when Jake started to switch up the direction of his hips, she could move with him and pull some twists of her own.

When she felt confident with her balance she moved her hands down to his waist. She was in such a fog. Her head was in the crook of his neck, and she could hear his breathing in her ear. She chanced a glance up at his face, and found his eyes closed. She wondered how he could move without seeing, but smiled at herself when she realized that she had been closing her eyes as well. She had never had a moment like this with anyone. She felt strong and sexy and powerful. It was so exciting to know that this was new for her. She started to feel herself falling out of rhythm so she put her hands back on his shoulders and Jake, whose hands had been steadily moving lower pulled her closer. He knew exactly where to place his hands so that she could move with him perfectly.

"Hey, guess what" Jake breath brushed her ear.

"What?" Nessie responded, ignoring the chills that ran up her spine.

"We're the only two people on the dance floor." Nessie looked up quickly and saw that he was right. She turned back to him, and he was grinning in a way that made her heart trill. She should have been self conscious but she wasn't. She thought this kind of thing only happened in the movies, but here they were, the only two dancing, and she hadn't even noticed. She put her head back on his chest, and they began to sway again. It was sensual and deep and- dirty? Nessie was actually 'getting down?' She laughed to herself, but then she felt his head leaning into hers. She could feel his stubble on her cheek, and her eyes fluttered closed. His hands moved up and down her back, down her legs and back up again. Her nails started to scrape against his shoulders in appreciation, but then her eyes flew open. This was not Ness and Jake, two best friends that had known each other her whole life, this was two teenagers who were acting like animals. No, that's not what it was. That wasn't how it felt. Nessie wished it did, that it was all about instinct and no emotion That wasn't it though, it felt like a lifetime of wanting, and inhaling the smell of the one thing that made her whole. She had to tell him how she felt. Yes, they would have to stop. It was for the best.

"Jake?" she whispered softly before she lost her nerve.

"Yes?" He answered, his voice like honey clouding her mind. She truly tried to say something, but the words wouldn't come. She couldn't lose this moment, it was too incredibly perfect. He was perfect. She had dreamt about this for so long and she didn't want to lose the feeling.

After a pause she said feebly, "Never mind."

"Oh no" she looked up into his face "you can't do this two me." He said this with his brilliant smile. What did that mean? It was like he was joking with her, but he was totally serious. What had he wanted her to say? She was about to tell him that they had to stop, but was he expecting something else? She had no answer for him so she just put her forehead in the crook of his neck. She rubbed her cheek against his stubble. He was nuzzling her too, but then she felt his lips on her neck. She froze for a split second. Was he kissing her neck? She couldn't be so sure because she had never had that happen before. It felt so good. She felt the sensation on her ear. What was going on? Her grip tightened on his shoulders and they continued to dance. She felt so confident she let her hands slide down his arms and to his waist where she moved them to his chest that she loved to feel, and around to his back. The tension was increasing and she loved every second of it, but then someone grabbed her arm. It was "nick name" girl again. She threw her hands in the air and said "Ness, take a shot with me!"

Jake laughed but spoke instead of Nessie, "thanks, but I need to take Ness home." He gestured to her toward the door. It was weird how relaxed she was. The dancing was a blur, but she could remember the events that happened previously. She was having an "out of body" experience, and was putting the amazing _dance with Jacob_ on a shelf for later examination.

Nessie followed but said suddenly, "Oh before I forget, I hope you were kidding about my skills of beer pong because I would have no problem reminding you of a certain 'Putt, Putt Golf' match we had."

"I would rather not recall _that,_ but I will remind you of the moment when I saved you from 'Max-wants-to-get-laid-imilian'." Nessie giggled and led Jake out onto the front porch.

Nessie's ears rang from the muted music coming from inside. Jake sat down on the porch swing and patted the space next to him. She snuggled next to him and laid her head on his shoulder. He played with her soft red curls that hung half way down her back.

"Jake I'm so glad you had your 'ex-ray vision' because I don't know how we would have found this place." Jacob laughed, the sound vibrating his chest.

"Well I wouldn't get all snappy miss 'I can't dance'" he said _I can't dance_ in his best high pitched voice. "I can't believe what you say anymore. I bet you can fix cars too."

"ha ha ha. No way! That is your talent. Along with dancing and any skill that requires coordination." Jake gave her a look that said "oh please" but chuckled anyway.

After a moment she asked, "What did Sam want to talk about?" She noted that the meeting had not lasted very long if Jake was here.

"Ugh" Jake groaned, "I don't want to talk about it."

"What happened?"

Jake let out a gust of air. "You know Sam, he's always pushing. _His_ way is best and on _his _time."

She thought he might elaborate, but after a minute she realized he was done. "Wow that was cryptic..." Nessie observed. She didn't mind that he hadn't said what Sam had talked about _specifically_. There were plenty of times that Jake wasn't allowed to tell her about the meetings. She sometimes had a hard time feeling like Jake was the one leaving her in the dark. She didn't want to be like Sam though, and push Jacob to tell her things that he wasn't up for explaining.

"It's really complicated." He laughed humorlessly. They sat on the swing for a long time until Nessie felt herself begin the nod off. She heard Jake whisper in her ear, "hey it's getting late. I'm going to take you home." She felt Jake pick her up, carry her down the porch steps, and across the lawn. He opened the door with one hand, and set her in the seat before buckling her in. She allowed herself to drift to sleep after that.


	2. Chapter 2 Unrequited

The perfect cloudless days lasted longer than expected. Those who loved predicting the weather, which wasn't very difficult when the forecast consisted of rain, rain, and more rain; were beginning to feel frustrated. The town was finally at peace Sunday morning when they awoke to familiar thrashing winds and unrelenting pelts against their roof.

Nessie pulled on her yellow rain boots that she had found time to rinse off during the recent break in the clouds. She was heading to La Push for the day while her family played baseball. Clamping her keys between her teeth as lightly as possible, she shrugged her arms through the sleeves of her thin lavender jacket. She opened the door, wearily stepped onto the sheltered porch, studied her target, and with a final gust of air took off towards her truck sitting on the driveway. Scrambling for the handle, she threw the door open, and climbed in. Her hands shook with adrenaline, making it hard to slide the key into the ignition. After a few moments of concentration, the heat was blasting, stereo blaring, and the beast was in motion.

The roads were close to flooded by now. Eight days of sun came with a price. It was nearly impossible to see the rugged yellow stripe that divided the narrow roads. As she neared LaPush, she could practically taste Jacob's scent on her tongue. She made a sharp turn onto a gravel road heading into the forest. The truck continued for another five miles before Nessie spied her second home. As usual, Billy sat out on his porch sipping iced tea and watching Paul and Embry wrestle in the yard. She brought the truck to a halt and killed the engine. Covering her head with her hood, she opened the door to brave the downpour. The boys continued their brawl as she passed, but Billy greeted her with a warm smile and beckoned her closer. She bent over to hug him in his wheel chair.

"Jake's inside getting ready. I think he should be out of the shower by now."

"Thanks Billy, has Jake had lunch yet?"

"Probably not" He responded with a knowing smile. Nessie headed for the screen door that looked as though it were about to fall off. It swung open with a squeak and slammed closed behind her. She slipped her boots off and hung her coat on one of the five pegs lining the wall. The house was second nature to her as she made her way towards the bustle that indicated Jacob's daily ritual. She stood before his door that was ajar, and was ready to knock when the door flew open to reveal Jacob in a pair of dark wash jeans. His hair was still wet from his shower.

"Hey! what took you so long? I smelled you fifteen minutes ago."

She shrugged under his arm that was leaning against the door frame. After maneuvering her way around the many obstacles lying on the floor, Nessie made herself comfortable on his small, frame-less bed. "Well I could smell you way before that." She replied boastingly. She might have exaggerated a little bit, but she wanted to beat Jake in at least one animalistic aspect. She was rewarded when Jacobs's head jerked up.

Jake made is way over to her, sizing her up. He was calling her bluff, "and how far away is that exactly?" The grin on his face grew impossibly larger.

"A half an hour? Give or take." She said uncertainly. Jake was releasing the force of his intimidating alpha wolf self on her so naturally, she felt scatterbrained.

Jake's eyebrows flew up in surprise, "really? That far away?"

Nessie cautiously answered "uh, yes?" She wasn't completely sure what the big deal was. Her senses were supposed to be getting stronger with time. She hadn't really thought about why she smelled him more than usual. But now, though her sense of smell was powerful, this was the first time she had ever picked up on a scent from that far away, especially in the rain. For some reason she found it a bit embarrassing.

She quickly changed the subject. "So what is the plan? No outside, I've already taken a shower today."

Jake smiled, but looked far away. "Do you want to get lunch in town and then go by the bookstore?"

"That sounds perfect." They sat in silence while Jake found a gray button up shirt that he rolled to the elbows. He looked like a modal. Nessie blushed and looked down at her hands that were placed in her lap. "Hey, I also wanted to thank you for coming to the party last night and taking me home. It meant a lot."

She felt Jake sit next to her on the bed. "You know there's nothing I'd rather do. It doesn't matter where you are or what you're doing. I will always be there." It sounded lighthearted, but Nessie knew he meant every word. His hand tilted her chin so he could read her expression. She looked into his eyes. His round, large, brown eyes that always reflected his heart. They had flecks of sunlight in them and a promise to always make her heart flutter. She could see herself in them now. He smelled so good. Like mint and boy, clean boy. His hand cupped her cheek. She could feel his heat engulfing her; feel his quick breath on her face. She couldn't tear herself from his eyes. He was so close.

Jake stood up abruptly, "I'll be back in a minute." He shook his head and proceeded to exit the premises leaving Nessie sitting on the bed utterly at a loss for words. She realized her body was tilted toward the place where Jake had just been sitting. She mentally smacked herself. He allowed herself to get carried away. What if she had kissed him? She groaned at how badly she wanted to kiss him. Why was she acting so weird? Jake practically threw himself away from her. She waited and waited for him to return but as time went on, his footsteps sounded farther and farther away. He couldn't possibly be in the house anymore.

After a few moments she slowly scooted off the bed and crept toward the deserted hallway. She wearily followed the graceful patting of Jake's feet touching the ground as it led her toward the back door. Through the trees she could see the shed where Jacob worked but she could see no sign of him. Her breath against the glass began to fog her vision. If his breathing weren't reverberating in her ears or the smell of his sweat not so potent, Nessie would not have known he had already bolted out of the house.

She felt an odd energy coursing though her that made her whole body shake. His reaction a few moments ago caused anxiety to well in her chest, but the mystery of where he was made her heart quicken its pace. She couldn't gather for herself what had just happened between the two of them, but she wanted to feel it again. She was scared. If she followed him, what would she find? At that same moment, she knew she couldn't resist the adrenaline of the unknown.

She slid the glass panel aside and sprinted out into the world of lush green patterns hanging around her, and the rumble of water as it pelted her skin like jelly beans spilling from clammy hands. The air felt warm and humid, yet her hands shook. The rain already soaked her cloths so that they stuck to every part of her, and made her want to thrash at the fabric to relieve the irritation. Her hair stuck the sides of her face before she pushed it back with both hands. Her feet sunk down into the grass-covered mud. She almost forgot why she had bothered to come out of the warm house. Suddenly, she caught a whiff of something deep, rich, clean, blood, Jacob.

She had to stop thinking, only let go and allow her senses to take over. She wasn't sure why Jacob had run off, it was so unlike him. He was so levelheaded, the protector, and voice of reason. One moment everything was normal and the next everything was in complete chaos. If she could just calm down, she could easily find Jacob in seconds. Though the anticipation was killing her, her mind seemed to be holding her back. The muscles in her legs felt like they were made of cotton. She continued to thrash blindly through the thick undergrowth. Her emotions were getting the better of her, allowing her to over think things and panic. Why couldn't she just like Jacob as a friend? What was she thinking back in his room? 'Nothing' was the answer. Absolutely nothing. Only the desire for him to feel the same way she felt about him.

She closed her eyes, took in a lung full of air and slowly let is exit. When she opened her eyes, the world around her changed. The leaves around her were not just leaves; they were crisp, waxy, jade, arrows that left the unmistakable marks of her Jacob. No not _her _Jacob; just Jake her best friend and nothing more.

How long had she raced through the forest? She didn't listen for the squelching noise her bare feet made in the mud or the snap of her cheeks grazing near by branches. Those sounds were merely accompaniment to the cymbal that was Jake's blood pulsing through his veins. She reached an opening in the midst of foliage where she stopped. It just occurred to her that she had been living this fantasy for the past twenty minutes. In her fairytale circumstance, Jake loved her. Not in the way that he did now, but in the way that she couldn't help but feel for him. In her fantasy, he wanted her to follow him. She didn't know for what reason, but she imagined something wildly romantic. However, as she caught her breath she remembered that Jacob was not looking for her company. She wanted to throw up. Yet again she allowed her mind to elude reality. Why was she out in the pouring rain when she could be back in Jake's room, perfectly dry, and pretend that she hadn't even noticed he had left? Jake had given her no indication that he loved her any differently than he had for years. Her eyes began to sting and she leaned against a tree for support.

Her gag reflex was interrupted when a large figure stepped out from behind a tree a few yards away. She froze and watched Jake stare at her with a look on his face that she had never seen before. She fought the urge to look away. They stood there for an immeasurable amount of time. Her emotions ranged from relief, to confusion, to rage, and finally, sadness. Through the chaos of the chase, Nessie hadn't been able to describe the feeling that was ripping at her stomach. Now, looking at the boy she was in love with, seeing herself through his eyes, a little friend who looked like a drown cat and crying for no justifiable reason, she found a word for the feeling, humiliation.

"Jake" she timidly whispered after a few moments as though she had the perfect explanation as to why she was out in the forest, barefoot. Jacob didn't look like he was looking for an explanation. He stood rooted to the spot like a child caught with his fingers in the wedding cake. He didn't look like the Jacob she had seen back in his room.

He had clearly phased due to the fact he was only wearing his jeans. His short hair was in disarray and his eyes ran slightly wild. He looked like he didn't register who she was. For the first time in her life, she was frightened of him. She felt her eyes begin to brim with tears again. She blinked a few times and Jake's face changed to a more subdued expression. Then, as though she had just appeared to him, he took a quick step forward and, out of instinct, Nessie took a sharp step back. She regretted it instantly at the unmistakable look of hurt on Jake's face. She was in so much pain at that moment and yet she couldn't bear to be the cause of Jacob's.

"Ness" He choked and reached a hand out toward her as though he could close the void between them. He couldn't though, and this time, she didn't have the strength to risk her heart. They couldn't have it both ways. She couldn't just be his friend knowing that Jake would eventually find someone else to hang out with, someone who he would fall in love with and marry just to leave her behind. She came to the realization that this would just be the beginning of heartache if she pretended any differently. She had to stop being sorry for wanting Jake. Whatever happened back in his room did not justify this reaction. If he didn't want her, why did he always have to hold her? Why was he always kissing her? Why did they spend almost every day together? People at her school never did that unless they had a "thing." Her friends were always telling her that Jake wanted her and even though she dismissed it every time, she couldn't help but take it to heart. She may have surprised him in his room but what did he expect? She didn't have the courage to ask, and had a feeling that Jake had no intention of explaining. Whether or not if he did, she wasn't going to deal with this at the moment. In fact, she didn't want to deal with it ever. Her heart was on the verge of breaking.

Pressing her lips together in a tight line, she shook her head and backed away slowly until she could no longer read his wounded eyes, no longer hear his unspoken words, before turning her back and running towards her truck. She almost opened her truck door when she remembered her coat and boots were in the house. Thankfully the boys had stopped wrestling and Billy wasn't on the porch. She ran in the house, shuffling for her things when someone cleared their throat. She looked up to see Billy, Paul, and Embry sitting at the table in the kitchen.

"Where is Jake?" asked Billy in a way that was really asking, "where are you going?" Paul concentrated on his glass of water while Embry looked as though he was about to stand. She held her hand up to stop him.

"I'm going home. Sorry I got mud on the porch." She couldn't take out the defeated tone in her voice but picked up her boots and bolted out the door. She reached the truck, threw her things in the passenger seat and turned the key. She locked the door before pulling out of the driveway. Once on the road, she allowed the tears to fall.

* * *

The feeble morning sun broke through Nessie's eyelids. She squeezed them tightly to block out any vision that might remind her of a certain wolf. The orange red tinge of the light against her eyelids remained. She had hardly slept the previous night. Her soft down comforter was lying at her feet and her only coverage was a thin silk sheet. She pushed against her wrought iron headboard, arched her back, and attempted to relieve the tension throughout her body. The morning burst past the white shades that Nessie had forgotten to close the night before. She turned away but now was faced with another horrible sight; her alarm clock read 8:30 am. Nessie groaned and threw her pillow over her head. Time didn't stop and she would be expected to join the day.

The past few days had been such a blur. She had not spoken to Jacob since the situation in the woods. As much as she wanted to see him, to forget about not wanting to be his friend, she knew she had to be patient. She wasn't sure if Jake even wanted to see her. The last time she had let her curiosity get the better of her; she wound up humiliating herself. This was a test of their friendship. If Jake cared, he would come for her. The problem with this theory is that it had been days and Jake had yet to show up. She was growing more frightened, and the scenarios just popped into her mind one after the other. The most common: what if Jake didn't want to see her anymore? She had never been in this situation with Jake. Not even close to this. Her time away from him had allowed Nessie to cool off, to forget about the feeling of embarrassment. All she wanted was for things to go back to normal. Sure, she would go back to being heartbroken over unrequited love, but she would rather have him as just a friend than not at all.

Today was her birthday, and Jake wasn't going to be there. She just knew it. It would be way to weird for Jacob to attend an outing where he wasn't welcome. Was he not welcome? Was his little escapade in the forest such a big deal that she wouldn't want her best friend at her birthday celebration? Of coarse she wanted him there. She wanted him to be there tonight so badly it hurt. On the other hand, she wasn't sure she was ready to deal with their problem. She was so confused she didn't know whether to scream at him or grovel for forgiveness.

In an effort to wake up, she threw off her covers exposing herself to the cool air. With a loud groan she slumped to the bathroom, turned on the shower, and brushed her teeth while the water warmed up. The mirror had already begun to fog up before she felt the warm water on her back. For a while, she just sat there and let the gentle pat soak her skin. Then, she washed her hair until the soap piled on her head like a turban, and shaved her legs twice. Her shower lasted longer than usual as she waited for her headache to go away.

Once ready, Nessie traipsed down the stairs in a sea blue blouse and Bermuda shorts. She was heading over to Emily's to help set up for the party. Nessie's family would only stop by for a little while. Aunt Alice was planning a much larger birthday bash later on in the week. She ate a piece of toast while she searched for her sandals. After fifteen minutes, Nessie was backing out of her driveway.

Nessie had barely knocked on the Uley's rickety door when it flew open, and Emily locked her in an enthusiastic embrace. Emily pulled her toward the kitchen where onions and peppers were already chopped up. Sam was peeling potatoes and greeted Nessie. At first he smiled, but even after Emily had moved onto the next order of business, he continued to study Nessie in a way that made her think he was reading her mind.

Sam and Seth moved picnic tables and chairs to the back yard. Emily and Nessie cooked and set up decorations for most of the afternoon while talking about things that stayed far away from Jacob. Nessie could tell that Emily was itching to ask her something but she was in no hurry to further the conversation. The two were placing a tablecloth over a picnic bench when Emily suddenly asked, in a tone that indicated she already knew the answer, "Why isn't Jake helping set up?"

Nessie debated whether to answer or not. She didn't feel like telling Emily the whole story, still leaving out her feelings, when Sam had probably already told her. On the other hand, she knew Emily had good intentions, and maybe it would relieve some of the frustration brewing in her. With a dramatic sigh she began her story. Though she had not intended it to, her explanation took longer than she thought. She explained how Jake was her solid foundation and was open with her. He spent time with her almost every day, yet there seemed to be something missing. Even though she hadn't planned on it, she talked about her almost kissing Jake. Looking back on the moment, she couldn't tell whether she was about to kiss him or if he hadn't been leaning in a bit as well. She voiced this concern to Emily too. She retold the event in the woods, and how he had contradicted all the things she thought she knew about him in that one look her gave her when he stepped out from behind the tree.

"I was scared. I couldn't face him. When I ran after him I –I guess in a way I wanted him to prove something. I'm not sure what, but I just had this feeling that if I found him, our relationship would finally make sense." She laughed without humor. It was more like an attempt to keep from crying. "I wanted to know if he felt something. I guess I got my answer, didn't I? He didn't feel a thing, unless you count terror. If –if I had known I might have- I just didn't expect to feel this way."

There was a long pause. Nessie felt like she should have said more but she drew a blank. When she looked up, Emily was looking at her fingers clenched around the fabric. After a moment she pulled the two corners over the sides of the table, and moved her hands over the surface like an iron. Then she said quietly, "Sometimes the people we care about the most, disappoint us the most. We set a standard for them, and when they let us down, not only are we disappointed in them, but in ourselves for setting that standard in the first place. It's easy to forget that Jake makes mistakes. He is a great kid or I guess I should say 'man', but Jake loves you, and he has messed up by reacting in the most _idiotic_ way possible." They both laughed at this. "I think you forgot to read the look on that boys face when you found him in the woods. He was as humiliated as you were. You are the _last_ person he would ever want to let down."

"But what did he even 'let me down' on? It doesn't make sense to me why I'm so upset, you know? So what, he ran out in the woods and phased. He's done that a hundred times. Why am I hurt?"

Emily cut in, "Because your relationship_ is _changing. If you're scared, then he's scared. You don't want him to be scared though. You want him to be confident. I'm not speaking for him. I'm just saying that he's a guy and guys do the _dumbest_ things when they're scared."

Nessie wasn't quite sure how to respond to what Emily had said. Though some things confused her, Emily's words resonated somewhere within her. What had Jake's face said? She tried to replay the image but his face was blurred like her mind had blocked it. Emily didn't seem like she was eager for an answer and they continued in silence for the remainder of the afternoon.

As 6 o'clock rolled around, the two girls were just lighting the tiki torches when a group of young men appeared out of the woods. Their bronze chests gleamed in the light of the setting sun. Even with the limited light, it was clear that Jacob was not among them. There were lots of howls as Nessie was mercilessly hugged and tickled. This continued until Sam made them go in the house to get some shirts on. Soon, more people started to arrive. Leah dressed up for the occasion in a magenta sundress that stopped just above her knees and matched her thickly beaded earrings. She also brought some CD's that Nessie immediately put in the stereo.

Within the hour, the party group had tripled its size. The sun was dimming steadily, and people were dancing like the flickering flames of the candles. Nessie couldn't help but periodically glance around for Jake. She wanted to see him. Something Emily had said gave her courage. "You are the last person he would ever want to let down." Jake didn't want to let her down just as much as she didn't want to do the same to him. Jake had always been there for her. Maybe she could just explain and then there would be no miscommunication. Of coarse this was easier said than done, but she didn't know how else to salvage their relationship.

She mingled with the guests and swooped from group to group. She stopped by the cooler that was conveniently placed in such a way that the party attendees were all visible. Nessie fished for a lemonade bottle in the icy water and once it was retrieved, she popped the lid and pretended to be very interested with the cap, but instead, scoured the crowed. Once it was clear that Jake was not there, she finally took a sip.

"Looking for someone?" a voice spoke from behind her. She nearly spat and turned around. Leah grabbed a soda while Nessie choked on her beverage. When her throat had cleared Leah raised her eyebrows expectantly.

"I was just seeing if I had won something." Nessie justified. Leah made a speculative face. "You know, on the cap. If I had won…" She trailed of seeing that she had clearly been too obvious in her search. Fortunately, Leah had no intention of embarrassing her further and instead suggested that they join Kim over by the tire swing.

This turned out to be a fantastic idea. For the next hour Jacob was almost the furthest thing from her mind. Leah was telling a story about how Kim and her had tried to light a fire by striking a match on the bottom of a shoe together and how Kim lit her shoe on fire when something caught her eye. There was a boy. She couldn't see his face. He was talking to Seth Clearwater, a thin white t-shirt accentuating his lean waist and low hanging dark jeans. He kept running his hands through his raven black hair. He seemed calm though Seth looked like he was scolding him. The two were looking around the crowd until both sets of eyes landed on her. Nessie hardly noticed her involuntary intake of breath but quickly looked away. Leah looked to see where the distraction was coming from and let out a low whistle. "Who knew someone could look better with clothes on?"

Kim giggled uncontrollably. "Ness, you just squeaked like a squirrel." Nessie still smiled while she concentrated on a knot on a tree. He was here. She could not help the smile that continued to grow. At that moment she forgot about everything that happened the past few days and her fears about rejection. She wished she could run over and wrap her arms around him. She remind herself she couldn't but still would glance over his way from time to time just to watch him laugh or deliver a punch line to a joke. He made his way around the yard, greeting everyone while carefully avoiding the three girls.

"He wants to talk to you." Leah's voice brought her out of her careful observations. Leah fixed her with a knowing look.

Nessie felt slightly foolish but said quietly, "you think?" then looking over again she asked, "why now?" Why on her birthday when days had past. Leah looked over at Jacob then said simply,

"He's stupid."

Kim laughed but Nessie wasn't so sure she disagreed. She remembered how Seth had looked when he was talking to Jake. She looked at Leah with earnest eyes, "It's been days Leah. Days! I can't sleep. I can't eat. I don't understand why he thinks today, my birthday, is the most appropriate occasion to explain to me why he…" Nessie couldn't find a word to describe exactly what he had done. She was so confused. He just left like her feelings meant nothing to him. He didn't ask if she was all right which would seem like a funny thing to expect but then again, it was hard to explain how she and Jake communicated. They could read each others thoughts and body language. They felt the same emotions and knew the right things to say and when to back off. That's why this whole thing didn't go along with the law of their dynamic. She had to face rejection from the one person who could comfort her.

"-Why he chickened out? Why he couldn't man up and handle the situation maturely?" Leah finished for her.

"That's the best I've heard it put." Nessie said. It sounded selfish, but for once she wanted to state the fact that she was only seven. Jake was way older and had experienced so much life, yet he was the one acting like a coward.

"I think he's trying to redeem himself." Leah wasn't looking at her. Nessie turned her head like Leah's and her stomach flipped. Jake was standing with a group of people, but he was staring at her. She looked away, but then Leah spoke again. "Don't be afraid of the inevitable."

Without another word, Leah walked toward the group of young men. Nessie made her way to the bathroom as fast as she could. "The inevitable?" What had Leah meant? She wasn't the one who was afraid. She almost kissed him! She put_ her_ heart out on the line while _he_ threw himself out of the race. Nessie locked the door behind her and stared into the mirror. She could have any guy she wanted in school, but not Jacob. She let out a sob of defeat. She was the coward. She couldn't even look at him, but Jake came tonight because Nessie wanted him to. He braved the ridicule of his pack and she rejected him. The inevitable fear that Leah spoke of was her undying love for Jake. Though they had never been on non-speaking terms, she knew that whatever happened, they had to be together. That was what frightened her the most. What held them together like no one else? He was just a scared as she was. She was being stupid and hiding behind her friends instead of fighting for what she knew she would die without. She remembered what Emily had said. She had to be brave and admit to her feelings.

She opened the door and walked back toward the party. She searched the place for Jake, but he was nowhere to be found. She started downing punch like shots. Emily grabbed her arm and pulled her toward a huge cake placed on a foldout table. Everyone crowded around until she was stuck right in the center. Seventeen candles were lit and Billy led everyone in a round of "Happy Birthday." Nessie closed her eyes and tried to think of something to wish for, but the only thing that came to mind was Jacob. She wished that Jacob would feel the same way she did. With a powerful gust of air, she extinguished every candle on the cake. Everyone roared with cheers, but above the noise she heard a voice from behind. "Happy seventeenth" the way his breath brushed her neck made her shiver. His voiced sounded so seductive it didn't seem like he was simply wishing her happy birthday. He placed his hands on her hips pulling her closer to his warm chest. Her mind went blank as a kiss was placed on her jaw. His lips lingered before they vanished, and by the time Nessie had turned around, he was nowhere in sight. The moment was so intimate, but when she looked around, no one seemed to have noticed. She tried to follow him, to chase the elation she couldn't remember ever feeling in her life. It was no use though, the crowd was too thick and she was the spectacle.

Once she was given a slice of cake, she sat at a picnic bench with Kim and Jared. She tried to make her legs stop quaking. Her teeth were chattering, and not because of the cold. In fact, the night was warm.. or was that just her body? Jared was making everybody fall over in laughter. Embry had joined the group with a slice of cake the size of an encyclopedia. She couldn't help but think of Jake. How her skin tingled where he had kissed her. Jared looked up and waved at someone behind her. "Hey Jake! Come on over here." The boys made room so he could sit in between them, right across from Nessie.

Whatever she had expected from Jacob, this was not it. He completely avoided eye contact while he took his seat, and Nessie couldn't hide the irritated expression on her face. No one seemed to notice as the carefree conversation continued. She didn't care if she didn't look like she was paying attention because all that mattered was Jacob. Nessie was trying to meet his eyes but he was persistently ignoring her efforts. This continued a long time until Nessie was beside herself with anger. She stood unexpectedly and Jacob couldn't help but look at her this time. She fixed him with a piercing stare then said, "I have to run out to my truck. My radios been acting up and I…I need to see if it works on certain frequencies." It was a lame excuse, but she needed to get Jacob by himself. She made a decision in that moment that if Jacob couldn't be brave, then she had to. If there was one thing she could be certain of, it was that she couldn't live without him. If he had a brain in him, he would know that he fixed the radio less than a week ago. She quickly detached herself from the bench, and hurried off towards the front of the house.

When the table was out of sight, she leaned against a tree to wait. An eternity seemed to pass before a tall figure left the table, and made his way over to where she was. When she could make out his russet features, she pushed away from the tree and began walking towards her truck.


	3. Chapter 4 The Perfect Night

Out of the shadows and away from the crowded madness, Nessie could clearly appreciate her surroundings. It was one of those summer nights when the leaves were the deepest green and the evening cast an almost purple glow to everything. The breeze calmed, the childlike giddiness undeniable. The perfect night.

Nessie couldn't hear Jacob's steps behind her. She could only feel his stare boring into her as she led him back to her truck. The past few days events had given her a sense of what it felt like to actually be a teenager. Kids at school always complained about their dramatic situations, but Nessie could never relate because she had never dealt with such conflicts. On one hand, it felt nice to be dealing with something that someone of her adolescent stage should be dealing with, she just didn't want to deal with the pain of it.

The whole thing made her so self-conscious, like she was missing something that everyone else knew about. Then earlier with that kiss. The way his chest felt against her back, his body closing her in like a shield. The way the scruff on his chin brushed her neck. The way he made her feel like she was the only thing in the world that he saw. She always felt that way with him. It made sense, yet at the same time, none at all. It was like a switch had been turned. The way Jacob was acting made her uneasy. What gave her this feeling? Isn't this what she wanted? The answer to that was yes. The problem was, was she reading into Jacobs actions more than she should? Was Jake just humoring her out of pity? She didn't want to feel this way!

Nessie stopped when she finally reached the truck. She didn't know what to say; only that she was done pretending. She wouldn't leave until Jake gave her a full explanation. If she didn't tell him how she felt now, she never would and Jake's_ friendship_ could never be enough.

She stood at a loss for words. She stared down at her feet only to find tears leaking from her eyes. They were tears of frustration and confusion. Every time she was near him, he was just so wonderful, she wished she could hold him, touch him in a way she couldn't now. Was she too scared to feel or consider that she might know what love was?

She was so caught up in her thoughts she forgot Jacob was behind her. He turned her around. His hand holding her by the small of her back while the other held her face like she was a Lily pad in the water. He caressed her face, brushed her hair away, kissing the tears now streaming down her face. He looked at her in a way she'd always wanted him to. He knew exactly what to do by the lines in her face, the way her eyes fluttered when her tears stuck to her lashes. His expression showed his expertise on exactly who she was and he was destroyed by it.

He became frantic, kissing her everywhere but her lips, ghosting his fingertips over where his lips had last burned. He kissed her temple and breathed in the scent of her hair. Nessie fisted her hands in his shirt and her pulled her closer.

Her nerves skyrocketed. She could hardly believe she was about to do this. She had known him her whole life and now she was about to change everything that they had meant to each other. She pulled his face closer, resting her cheek against his. She couldn't bear to look him in the eye after what she planned to do next. She released the breath she had been holding. She held his bicep with one of her hands while the other pressed against his cheek and let every thought flow from her mind to his.

"What am I to you? I'm so confused. What does all this mean? Am I going out of my mind? I think I'm in love with you."

She realized she was shaking. She was holding on to the man before her for dear life. They way he felt- it was unexplainable. Jake pulled her hand away from his cheek only to vanquish her doubts in a kiss that knocked her senseless. To call it a kiss was not the right definition. It was an emotion, a conversation, and a fight for survival, like breaking to the surface for air, like dying. It was strange how hungry she was for him. The more he shared, the more she needed. Jake her fingered with his. She didn't even want to breathe because she didn't want to ever be separated from the heaven that was his lips. Jake wrapped her up in one arm and ran his other hand through her hair. He smelled so good. She felt his hot breath as he slightly opened his mouth to capture her upper lip in his. She couldn't help herself. She licked his bottom lip. Jake groaned making her eyes flash open.

She was met with two perfect brown eyes. They were wild and more alive than she had ever seen them. She felt herself grin and he did the same. They stared into each others eyes while Nessie ran her hands through his hair. His eyes rolled back in his head. Nessie pulled his face down and kissed him again. This time their tongues met. Nessie opened her mouth wider and Jake tilted his face to the side.

At first he stayed near her front teeth and lips but soon he licked the roof of her mouth, which made Nessie gasp really loudly with delight. She allowed her hands to move down towards his build chest and abs. She had always wanted to feel his muscles without shame. Sure she had felt them but not like this where she was able to outline each defined line of his chiseled torso. Jake whimpered and moved to kiss her neck. She took her time, watching her hand as she explored his perfectly toned muscles. Her knees buckled when Jake licked behind her ear. He held her fast and she gripped his shoulders.

"You ok?" Jake laughed nervously. Nessie nodded and traced his lips with her fingers. Jake let his eyes flutter closed. She didn't kiss him on the lips but on his jaw. She rubbed her cheek against his stubble and made her way down his neck. She gave him a quick kiss under his ear then bit his ear lobe. Jake took in a sharp breath through his teeth. He gripped her hips to stabilize himself. She paid special attention to the crook of his neck. Jake pulled her lips back to his and pushed her against the bed of the truck.

Nessie reach behind her and released the hatch letting the gate of the truck bed fall with a loud crash. She hiked herself up pulling Jake between her legs. They continued to kiss for a long time. Then Nessie pulled Jake on top of her. He began kissing down her jaw, nuzzling her throat. Whispering her name over and over again. His breath raged. Nessie lightly pushed at his chest in order to catch her breath. After a few seconds they began kissing again, this time it was less frantic but slow and they stared into each others eyes. He pulled away leaning his weight on his forearms and pushed her hair back.

"I can't believe I'm looking at you like this," He said, brushing her bangs aside.

"Like what?" Nessie could only say in a whisper.

"I'm trying to find the words. I just keep thinking, 'you're mine." With that, Nessie pulled him down so that all of his weight was on her. Jake tried to lift himself off of her, "Ness, I don't want to squash you!"

"But I like it." Nessie explained between kisses. Jake groaned in a way that told Nessie he did too.

After a moment, Jake rolled onto his side. "I'm sorry I was a jerk the past few days."

"You're forgiven." She said coyly "I mean, I have to admit I'm still a bit confused but I can deal with it" they both laughed. She couldn't believe this was actually happening. Her mind literally could not process the euphoria. She wasn't sure how long she could keep her hands off of him. Now that she knew that glorious feeling of his passion being poured into each kiss she didn't know how she could ever be without it.

Rolling onto his back, Jake stretched his arms above his head, closed his eyes and smiled wider than she had ever seen him do so. She made a note to make sure he smiled like that more often. She didn't have a have a whole lot of self-control because she let out a groan, "Can we talk later?"

He laughed and pulled her on top of him this time. She kissed him with the slightest of pressure. It was his turn to moan. He opened her mouth wider, deepening the kiss. He ran his hands up and down her sides making her shiver. She felt his hands move down to her thighs. He gripped them and pulled them apart so that she fell against him. Nessie intertwined her hands in Jake's, pulling them over his head. It was nice that she was in charge. Jake didn't seem to mind. He lifted his head to meet her lips. She smiled letting her hair tickle his arms. He nipped at her chin making her giggle and move her head back. He tried to kiss her but she inched away just out of reach, still laughing. Jake growled and easily pulled out of her grip. He rolled them over so he was in his rightful alpha position.

Nessie let her hands fall. Jake moved his hand to carefully brush her hair away. One of Nessie's hands moved to his chest. His hands stayed in her hair while hers did a whole thing of their own. Her hands timidly made their way to the hem of his shirt. She looked up to see Jake staring at her hands. She kissed his forehead and pulled on the fabric until she could see his belly button. She heard Jake's breath quicken and lifted it a bit more. She wouldn't be able to take his shirt off unless Jake raised his arms. Finally he looked back up into her eyes. She started to feel a blush creep up her cheeks but she maintained eye contact. Through her peripheral vision she saw his hand reach behind his back and pull his shirt over his head.

A smile inched across her face. She had seen his chest more times than she could count, but this time she was allowed to admire it. She kissed his collarbone. Her fingers molded over every curve of his muscle. She buried her face in the crook of his neck and basked in his warmth. She wrapped her arms around his strong back and felt him shudder.

Her mind couldn't process the beauty of his structure, how sculpted he was. He was so masculine, but she had the ability to make him vulnerable. That same creature was moaning in her ear and making her lips tingle because he was sucking them too hard. She didn't want them to stop going forward. She didn't stop when his hands slid off her shirt. She tangled her legs in his. He was so amazing her breath caught just thinking about it. He grabbed her calf and wrapped it around his waist. Now she could feel him without a doubt. There was no question. She squirmed against him and he moaned into her mouth. He broke the kiss to catch his breath leaned his forehead against hers. She traced her hands down the front of his torso toward the button of his Jeans but this time, he stopped her hand. She looked up in confusion.

"Ness, we should probably stop." His voice was hoarse.

"Why?" Nessie couldn't keep the disappointment out of her voice. With great effort, Jake rolled off her, and leaned on his elbow to face her.

"Can you believe we didn't talked for four days? I don't think that's ever happened. I'm pretty sure you don't know why that is. This whole thing that just happened between you and me opens a whole other realm of things that we have to talk about. I don't want to do something you'll regret because I couldn't be a man and explain."

"Explain what?" Nessie wasn't mad but she wasn't ready to stop.

"Now is probably not the time, but maybe tomorrow I could take you out somewhere? We should probably get back to _your_ birthday party."

"Oh my gosh! I totally forgot!" she laughed, "Ok, tomorrow sounds great."

They put their shirts back on, and Nessie fixed her hair and makeup in the side mirror. She was about to walk back when she realized Jake was still leaning against the truck.

"You coming?"

"I'll be a couple of minutes." Nessie blushed when she realized what he was talking about. She looked apologetically at him but Jake shook his head, "Don't look all innocent, you are very pleased with yourself," Jake scolded. She cracked up at that. He knew her too well. Yes, she was very pleased with herself but walked over to him.

"I could stay with you." She said suggestively giving him a slow kiss and pushing her hips against his.

"Don't tempt me. I will be right behind you." He gave her a quick kiss then turned her around to face the house. When she didn't move he swatted at her backside. Giggling, she ran back to the party.


	4. Chapter 5 My Imprint

Nessie stared at the open menu propped up on the table. It was unnecessary to do so as she always ordered the fish and chips but to peruse the options was not why the tall barrier stood before her. She just didn't want to be faced with the awkward silence that would undoubtedly need a seat at the table for two.

Jake had come to pick her up around eleven o'clock so that they would arrive in Port Angeles around noon. In the car, they found things to talk about that carefully avoided the subject of the previous night. She kept glancing at Jake by tilting her menu slightly forward but every time Jake would lock eyes with her, his brow raised in a smirk and every time she would blush and look back at the words blurring together before her. She was jittery and kept bouncing her knee to keep her teeth from chattering. Even though they were faced with a slightly uncomfortable subject, Nessie was incurably excited to see Jacob. She placed her menu flat on the table and looked out the window watching the boats in the harbor.

The two were used to the service being slow because where they lived, there was no such thing as convenience. If anyone wanted to eat at a sit-down restaurant, it was an hour to Port Angeles and every place would be packed.

After about a half an hour the waiter came by to take their orders. While Nessie sipped her water, Jake ordered for both asking for two "fish and chips." The waiter took their menus and left them. Jake leaned forward and rested his chin in his hand.

"Well now that gives us at least an hour to talk." Half of his mouth pulled up in a smile. Nessie's stomach flipped, and she looked down, slightly biting her lip to keep herself from grinning. "Wow," Jacob said in amazement, "are you being shy with me Ness?" Nessie looked up. She always knew that Jacob was, without a doubt, the most gorgeous guy she had ever laid eyes on, but at that moment she felt like throwing up with her stomach's circus performance. He was just too amazing to handle. She smiled sheepishly, unable to come up with a proper response. Now every time she saw him, all she could think about was the way he moaned. It was the sexiest noise she had _ever_ heard.

Jake laughed, and reached out to brush away the hair that was shielding her face. His face turned to a more serious position and he licked his lips in one sweep before leaning toward her and capturing her lips in his. Nessie was so taken aback that she nearly fell out of her seat, but she gripped the table edge with both hands. It was a quick kiss, but by no means chaste. His lips were dominant and aggressive. Not in a painful way, but in a fast-paced manner that she couldn't keep up with and made her heart throb. His tongue swept into her mouth and ran along the back of her teeth before he pulled away. The kiss had lasted about ten seconds but Nessie was panting.

"Sorry I had to do that. I've missed you from the moment you walked away last night." Jake's bold statement left her breathless.

"You're making me blush, stop." Nessie said laughing lightly. She felt a bit uncomfortable. It was all so new to her. Last night, it had been so easy to say what was on her mind, but she couldn't bring herself to come up with a proper response. Why couldn't she be sexy and say things they way Jake did. She still couldn't help but feel foolish.

"I'm sorry; I'm being really forward right now. Oh damn, I don't even know what to say so I'm resorting to spiting out the first thing that pops into my head." Jake ran his hands through his hair. Nessie reached up and grabbed one of his hands in hers, lacing their fingers together.

"No, I'm sorry. Please, I am just so new to this and I'm not sure what to say or how to act. I didn't mean to make you embarrassed. I love what you're saying.. I just don't know what to say." She opened her mouth so say something else but found nothing more to say.

"Maybe we should just start over. Hello Renesme, how are you today?" He said in an overly proper voice.

Nessie giggled before saying, "I'm great! And how are you Mr. Black?"

"I am doing quite well, thank you. I am actually feeling liberated because you see; I had this amazing night with my best friend last night who I have been crazy about her whole life. But I am also a bit nervous because I know we have some things to talk about that I'm a bit anxious to discuss."

Nessie's heart raced at his last statement, "Last night was the best night of my life."

Jake eyes sparkled before murmuring, "You have no idea how happy it makes me to hear you say that." He lightly squeezed their interlocked hands. "I have an explanation for my behavior. It's no excuse but it's the truth. It's a long story and it starts about five minutes after your birth- Oh gosh, my palms are sweating." Jake laughed nervously and gently let go of her hand before wiping his hands on his jeans. "Ok, I'm a werewolf. You already know that. And, uh, there is this thing; it's called 'imprinting.' This is really hard to explain and I'm not sure words can even fully explain it. I will probably botch this whole thing." He ran both of his hands through his hair.

With a heavy breath let out, he began to explain, "Basically, there is one person _destined_ to be with a wolf. Not all wolves imprint, but if they do, the moment they see this person, no matter what age, they fall into the deepest love that their heart can contain. They have a bond that compares to nothing else in the world. When one is sad, the other is as well. Therefore, they are the only ones that can truly console each other. On the other hand, they have the ability to make the other person so happy by doing the simplistic deed of being just who they are. This is because they are soul mates.

"The 'imprintee' doesn't have to love them back though; with that being said, they will never feel even a fraction of that connection for someone else. It's also not to be confused with_ lust_ at first sight. It all depends on the person being imprinted on. Because of the connection, when the person needs an older brother, that is who the wolf will be; if the person needs a friend, the wolf will be the most loyal person they could ever ask for; if -"

"So if I need you to be mine forever?"

"then I'll be -" But Nessie had already pushed off her seat and wrapped her arms around his neck. She wasn't hungry at all and she didn't want to be in this restaurant. She stood up, pulled Jake to his feet and out the door. Only when standing by his truck did she wrap her arms around his neck and kiss him leaving her fears behind. She had always thought Jake was amazing but in comparison to the man she saw now, that old Jacob had nothing.

She pulled away slightly just to look into his eyes. She let the tears brimming to fall. "Do you realize how truly perfect you are?"

Jake shook his head and looked as though he was about to cry, which Nessie only understood when he said, "I wasn't who you needed me to be. I ignored it. I embarrassed you this whole week, I left you, didn't call, made _you_ do what _I_ was supposed to do a long time ago." His voice broke on the last word.

"What are you even saying? You met me the day I was born and never once asked a thing of me. You _were_ my older brother. You taught me how to use my fork and knife, how to ride my bike, you read me bed-time stories. You _were_ my best friend. You listened to me pine over Jimmy Pats in the sixth grade. You fixed my truck, and sat under the stars with me on your shoulder. You were my wing man at every party. How much more can I ask of you for eight years to be everything I need but nothing you need?"

"I don't need anythi -" Nessie covered his mouth with her hand.

"You're my imprint too. What do you need?" Jacob kissed her hand.

"You. Just you. I don't need you to do anything because… I don't even understand myself. I am never unhappy if I am with you. I have only been unhappy once in your presence, and that was last night when you were sitting directly across the picnic table from me and I couldn't look at you because I was too afraid of rejection."

Nessie caressed his face. "Reject you? You should know me better than that."

"When you go eight years without your soul mate trying to kiss you, denial is inevitable." Nessie kissed him then. She ran her hands through his hair and rubbed behind his ear with the pad of her thumb. He hummed in her ear and wrapped his large arms around her pulling her into a tight hug.

He pulled away suddenly. "Ok, lunch here was a bad idea. I say we just pick something up so I don't die of hunger."

"Sounds like a plan. Then can we go by the bookstore?"

Jake gave her a look of mock disdain, "absolutely not! Who you do think I am?"

Nessie wrapped her arms around him. "My slave who drives me around, buys me lunch, and takes me to the bookstore." She grinned cheekily at him.

"Well in that case. Get in shot gun my lady."

The two spent the next four hours in the book store. Finding interesting biographies and laughing over the funny things they said. They would grab their separate novels and read them in cushy armchairs next to a fire that roared over the thunderous clouds that covered the sun. In spite of the rain, the day had been nearly perfect in Nessie's opinion.

She peered over her book at Jacob. He had let his book drop in his lap and was now staring into the flames. Most guys she knew didn't read books for fun. Jake wasn't an avid reader but when he did read a book, they were substantial pieces of literature and he finished them quickly. Not because he just sped through them but because he was so engrossed in what the author was writing about that he hardly ever put it down. She knew Jake was older. Even with her physical age he was much older. They never really talked about it. This was probably because they were both a bit afraid that the other would feel uncomfortable with the gap. A very educated guess would put him at about twenty-five years old. A very horrible thought occurred to her. If Jake had imprinted on her, had he ever had a girlfriend? Had he spent seventeen years of his life waiting for a girl to imprint on and then another eight before she got a clue?

"Jake, how old were you when you imprinted on me?" he looked startled at her question but hesitantly answered.

"Seventeen" Nessie nodded as he confirmed his age. Jake raised his eyebrows expectantly. "Why do you ask?"

"Well I guess I'm wondering… well.. Jake, I hope you haven't been spending your whole life with me."

Jake looked taken aback by the statement. "No, I think I've made it pretty clear my whole world revolves around you."

"But how could you possibly do that. I mean, your twenty-five and a great kisser you can't possibly have had just me for company."

Jacob let her words sink in then he smirked before asking, "Are you trying to ask if I've ever had a girlfriend?"

"Don't act like it's so outrageous for me to ask."

"No. I have never had a "girlfriend" per say."

"So who was the lucky one-night-stand?" Nessie giggled.

Jake turned bright red. "Oh please, you know me better than that. I only _kissed_ your mom."

"What?" Nessie exclaimed.

Jake burst out laughing. "I am not even ashamed to say it. I had a HUGE crush on your mama!"

Nessie slapped him playfully on the arm. "Please tell me you are joking." Nessie was used to weird but this was over the top. Guys said stuff like that all the time but Nessie knew right away that he wasn't lying. In a way she always had a feeling that something had gone on between the two. She would catch her mom staring at him sometimes. This sad look would come over her face and Nessie would feel oddly guilty. "Was this more than just a crush?"

Jake looked directly into her eyes, then down shaking his head. He took a huge breath before saying, "I had major beef with your dad over Bella. I loved her when she was human. Things just seemed so much more simple at that time but then I became this." He made a gesture referring to his wolf-self. "I would have changed my whole world for that girl but it wasn't enough. I fought until the very last moment. Not until the moment I heard the beating of her knew heart did I realize that I wasn't in love with the person before me. I loved the person she was when I met her. She was simple on the surface but what was hidden below would show every time she blushed. She doesn't do that anymore. She passed that on to you. You just happen to be extraordinary on the surface as well. What's on the inside is what blows people away."

Nessie stayed silent for a long time. What does a person say to that? "Do you still have beef with my dad?"

The corner of Jake's mouth turned up. "No. I'd say your dad is a pretty good buddy of mine now."


End file.
